The Fringes of Faith

 I had an epiphany at church on Sunday. Something that I'm ashamed to say I have never thought of in my 37 years on this earth. You know that scripture? The one every Christian knows and loves?  "For God so loved the world...He gave His only begotten son..." Do you realize that the Son in that scripture had TWO parents who loved us so much they sent Him here? Think about that for a second. We're always mentioning how we have a loving Father in Heaven who sent His son here, but not once have I ever thought about how difficult it must have been for our MOTHER in Heaven to send Her son to the earth to go through what He went through.  As a mother myself, I've never truly been able to identify with the thought of only Christ's father sending him to be our Savior. But the thought of his MOTHER...well that changes everything for me. At church on Sunday, we were asked to focus on one specific person who we love so much we would do anything for. It was obvious who I w

 Can we talk for a second about forgiveness?  People do stupid, hurtful things, and we're taught to forgive them for it.  Now...I'm all about forgiveness. Heaven knows I've needed to be forgiven for my share of wrongdoings, so I love the principle of forgiving others and being forgiven myself.  But forgiveness is not the same thing as letting people continue to treat you like trash. Years ago, I had a really close friend. We'd been friends since high school. We worked together, we helped raise each other's babies, I was there in the hallway when her daughter was born. She was one of my absolute favorite people. There's nothing I wouldn't have done for her...she was like a sister to me.  This friend hit a really rough patch for a while, and I didn't like the way she handled it. In fact, I got super judgy about it and after a while of holding in my distaste for her choices, one day I just lost it on her. I said horrible things that to this day I cannot bel

I was 17.  My best guy friend was home visiting from college. He had graduated the year before.  We were hanging out at another friend's house when out of seemingly nowhere he asked me to drive him home. I thought it was kind of funny, seeing as how his sister was there with us, and she was perfectly capable of driving. But I absolutely adored the guy, and I loved our alone time, so off we went.  Halfway home, my friend started to get really antsy and asked me to pull over. In a grocery store parking lot he shifted awkwardly around in his seat, and told me he had something important he wanted to talk to me about. My heart began racing, and after a few seconds of avoiding the subject, I finally just told him to tell me what was bothering him. "I'm gay," he said, and then almost immediately, he apologized.  My mind began racing. I sat silently for several minutes while my friend, filled with emotion, told me all the things he had done to try to beat the gay out of himse

“In the heav’ns are parents single? No, the thought makes reason stare; Truth is reason—truth eternal tells me I’ve a mother there.” We've been told She exists. We've been told she is equal to Her husband. We've been told women were created in Her image. We've been told that the church recognizes her Godhood. And we've been told we're not allowed to talk to her. We're supposed to follow the pattern of Christ, right? And Christ told us to "always pray unto the Father in my name." But can we just focus for a second on the fact that a quadruple combination of scriptures only contains about 3,900 pages, and that there is a very real possibility that Jesus had more to say than that in his roughly 35 years on the earth? Can we at least consider that he might have had more to say on the subject of his relationship with his Mother in Heaven, and that it was simply left out of scripture for the mere fact that men didn't think it was that important (much

A friend posted on her social media account this morning that she wanted help from her friends to explain what grace means to them.  I figured this was a great opportunity to share my thoughts! When I think of the word “grace,” I almost immediately think of the word “saved.” As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the subject of being saved has often been one we’re uncomfortable with teaching because it sort of seems like we view it differently than other churches. How often do you hear other faiths say something along the lines of “saved by the grace of God” when our church focuses on the scripture in 2 Nephi “saved by grace after all we can do.” For years we’ve taught this concept in a way that it feels like we have to EARN grace, when that just isn’t true.  If you really get down to it, there’s literally nothing we could do to earn God’s grace.  Even at our very best, we are sinful, imperfect beings. And God knows that. And so…he offered the ultimate gift! He

We've heard it hundreds of times.  "I'd like to bear my testimony. I know the church is true..."  We train our kids to say it. We train ourselves to say it.  And now, I'm training myself not to. Because "the church" isn't what's true. Picture this: Let's pretend that the church is like a large company, and God is the CEO. The CEO has this perfect vision of how he wants his business to run. He organizes it, he plans everything out, and he hires managers. He trains those managers so they can run the business while he manages his CEO duties.  He's there when the managers pick up the phone and ask questions. He drops in when he has time, but for the most part he trusts his management team to run the company while he does his own job.  Now...the department managers are great people who have good intentions. They try their best to follow the CEO's instructions exactly. BUT...no matter how hard those department managers try, they will never

You shouldn't drink hot drinks. But hot chocolate is fine.   No coffee. And no tea. But herbal tea is okay. Because it doesn't have caffeine. Caffeine is bad. But only in soda form. Excedrin doesn't count. Red Bull? Oh...yeah you're good. Don't do drugs. Drugs are bad. But only the recreational kind. Oh...you have a prescription for that drug? Then you're golden. As long as you don't smoke it. Smoking is bad.  Alcohol is even worse though. Definitely don't drink alcohol.  Unless it's in cough syrup. Cough syrup is okay because it's only got a little alcohol in it.  But you should really just try to tough it out like Joseph Smith did when he got the surgery because if Joseph didn't need it,  neither should you. You should always follow Joseph's example. But we won't judge you (to your face) if you do decide to take it, because it's really between you and God.  Wait a second...you drank alcohol last weekend? Well then you probably s

In the world (at least in my tiny American white girl bubble), the list of possibilities as a woman feels almost endless. Women can be doctors, CEO's and business owners. Women can buy their own cars and houses. Women can even adopt a child or choose to raise biological ones on their own. Sure, statistically speaking, men make more money and physically they are stronger. I won't sit here and hash out the differences between men and women, because the fact is: men and women are essential for different reasons. And those differences are beautiful. I think it's fair that we recognize the world has had to change A LOT for this to happen. It wasn't very long ago that women weren't able to do any of the things I listed above. Nevertheless, the world has finally figured out (mostly) that women are just as important as men. But not at church. At church we women are still just as unimportant as we ever were. Do you know what happens if you search "Women in the chur

Several years ago, a dear friend posted on her Facebook page that she was leaving the church.   I was shaken, bewildered, confused....devastated, even. How could a woman who had dedicated her life to the same faith I had suddenly just walk away from everything she once believed in?  Had Satan gotten to her? Did she get into anti-Mormon literature? Was she just not as strong as I thought she was?  For weeks, I wrestled with my friend's decision. I lost many nights of sleep over it.  And then it happened again.  And again.  And again. One after one of my precious friends and family members began walking away from lifelong membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  People I loved, respected, and knew to be intelligent, Christlike examples were suddenly choosing a life I had always been taught would result in a terrible, lonesome road of pain and regret. For years I had heard of people leaving the church, but never anyone close to me. Surely these distant acquainta